


My Only Wish This Year : Jamie Benn One Shot

by puckinginsane



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Love, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6896653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckinginsane/pseuds/puckinginsane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will this be the last time Jamie Benn meets with the love of his life on Christmas Eve?</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Only Wish This Year : Jamie Benn One Shot

I promised myself last year would be the last time I put myself through this. The year before I promised myself the same thing. When it comes to this one particular thing I always break the promises I make to myself. I think it's because deep down inside I know that I want it. It just gets more and more painful as each year goes by. For the past four years on Christmas Eve I have come to the same spot, Market Square, in my home town of Victoria, British Columbia. During Christmas time they put a huge tree in the middle of the village and decorate it with so many lights. The whole village is decorated for Christmas. It almost looks magical. It's always buzzing with people going to the different shops to find the perfect Christmas present. I'm not here to shop, though, I'm here to meet someone.

We meet at the same spot at the same time every single year and we talk about the same things each year and nothing seems to change. That's why I keep promising myself I'm not going to do it anymore but here I am once again standing by this Christmas tree at 3 minutes to midnight waiting for him to show up. Our relationship is complicated to put it lightly. Even to say it's complicated is complicated. He is the love of my life. I love him more than I love anything on this planet. He loves me. He loves me so much. When we are together it's like magic. When I am with him it's like nothing else matters. When he holds me I feel safe and when he kisses me it's like I am more alive than I have ever felt.

This is where the complications come in. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. Not anymore. We used to be but it just became too much so we decided it would be better for us not to be together. I have my work here in Victoria and he lives in Dallas for most of the year. Sometimes I see him during the summer but most of the time I don't. Christmas is the only time of year that I know I will definitely see him. He comes home for a few days and he spends time with his mom, dad, and sister along with his brother. Christmas Eve comes along and at midnight we come to Market Square and we meet at the tree and we talk about us.

The past few years I have stood here waiting for him, regretting my decision to agree to meet him but as soon as I see him all of those regrets go away. Tonight is no different. His smile illuminates Market Square as he walks towards me and I no longer feel regret but complete joy. I have missed him so much. I didn't even get to see him during the summer this year because he never left Dallas and I couldn't get off from work to go see him. This will be the first time in a year I have seen him. I promised myself I would be strong and wouldn't get emotional but my eyes are glassy with tears.

He finally makes it over to me and wraps his arms around me. I bury my head in his chest as I squeeze him as tightly as I can. Maybe this time I won't let go. He kisses my forehead a few times before letting me go. I let go of him as well. "You're looking good, Jamie," I say as I step back and get a good look at him. I know he's been paying a lot more attention to his nutrition and working out more and it shows.

"Thanks. You look amazing. I almost forgot just how long it's been since I've seen you last."

"A year. It's been a year," I bitterly say.

He hangs his head. "I know. You know I would have come home during the summer if I didn't have my surgery."

"I know, Jamie, but..."

"I really missed you."

I sigh. "I missed you too."

He puts his arm around me as we look at the tree. I lean my head on his shoulder and he rests his head on mine. It's the same thing every year. I try to tell him that this is the last time we are going to be doing this and he doesn't let me. It's not like I try all that hard. There is a part of me that doesn't want to but I can't keep living like this. It isn't fair to either of us. It's time to move on.

"Jenny says you've been busier than normal with work."

"Yeah. I've taken on a lot more responsibilities with this promotion. It means a lot more hours. I don't mind, though."

"I know you don't." I roll my eyes. I know that's a jab at me. He hates that I work so much and that I put it first in my life. I love what I do. It makes me happy. Isn't that all anyone wants in life? To do what makes them happy. He puts his job first too. It's not like I'm the only one. I just don't hold it against him.

An arctic wind blows by and I shiver as it sends chills up my spine. It's a warmer winter than usual but still pretty cold out. He rubs his hand up and down my arms to warm me up. "I've been watching your games. You and Seguin are on fire lately." I know he doesn't want to talk hockey with me. He never does but if I don't talk about this then the only thing I have left to talk about is our situation and I don't think I'm ready for that just yet. Standing here with him makes me feel whole. Once I say the things I have to say I will never have this feeling again and I am not prepared to let that go just yet.

"The whole team has been working better together as a unit but we still have a long way to go." I'm actually surprised he said that. Usually he just changes the topic of conversation when I bring up hockey. Maybe he can sense this time is different. That this is going to be the last time we will be meeting here on Christmas Eve. He has always been able to read me like a book. He sometimes knows what I'm thinking before I even know.

"Wow, you're actually talking hockey with me."

"If you want to talk about it then I want to talk about it. I'll do anything to keep you standing here with me."

"We don't talk about much anymore."

"We agreed it would be better for the both of us."

"Maybe that's why you're playing so well," I mumble. I don't really think that, maybe, I don't know. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I thought it was ending it but being here with him makes me second guess everything. This is nothing new. This happens to me every year.

"Don't say that." He stands behind me and puts his other arm around me and kisses my cheek a few times before resting his chin on the top of my head. "Christmas is my favorite holiday because of you, you know. Not because it's the only time I get to see you anymore. It was way before that."

"Jamie..."

"Please don't," he pleads, "Not so soon. I'm not ready."

"Ok."

"Remember when we first met? It was right over there." He points to a spot on the other side of the square. Of course I remember. It was the best day of my life. I also remember because we talk about it every year on Christmas Eve as we stand in this very same spot looking at the tree. I'm not in the mood to talk about it tonight, though, I have other things on my mind.

"Jordie saved my life."

He giggles. "I wouldn't go as far as saying he saved your life but yeah he did save you from falling on your ass."

"That ice came out of nowhere and grabbed me."

"You weren't watching where you were going."

"Something caught my eye."

"Someone maybe."

I smile. "Yeah. You were staring pretty hard at me."

"You were staring right back."

"How could I not? You smiled and it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life." This is not a lie. I love Jamie's smile more than I love breathing. It's amazing and genuine and it lights up my whole life. I immediately fell in love with his smile. It wasn't hard to fall in love with the rest of him after that.

"You looked absolutely stunning that day. I couldn't help myself."

"My dumb ass was too busy undressing you with my eyes and I didn't see that patch of ice in front of me and I slipped. Jordie was on his way over to you when he saw me slip and caught me before I hit the ground. You were so cute. You came running over to see if I was alright."

"I was checking to make sure Jordie was ok," he teases.

I laugh. "Liar." He chuckles. "Your smile still is my favorite thing on this entire planet."

"You're still as stunning as ever. You're the reason for my smile."

"We shouldn't be talking like this."

He puts his hands on my shoulders and spins me around to face him. I look up into his big, brown eyes and he smiles. I can't help smiling back. There are tears in my eyes and his eyes are sad, so sad. Despite the sadness we continue to smile at each other. "I love you." I look down at the ground. "We belong together."

"Jamie, please, not this year. I can't do it anymore."

"We have to do it. I can't imagine my life without you."

"You almost live it without me anyway. This one day out of the year won't make much of a difference."

"You're wrong. It makes all of the difference."

"We are kidding ourselves thinking that this is healthy. I love you so much but at some point we have to realize that we have to move on with our lives. I think it's time."

He shakes his head no. "I know what we have isn't ideal..."

"We don't have anything anymore. We broke up. We live our lives. We come here on Christmas Eve, why? To torture ourselves?"

"Because this is the one day out of the year that I am truly happy. I get to spend time with you, the person who matters the most to me. It's hard being away from you but knowing that we have Christmas Eve together keeps me going. It's what I live for."

"This isn't a life. It's the same thing every year. We say we love each other, we say we miss each other, we say we wish we could be together but then we leave. I go home and you go back to Dallas and it's life as usual. We barely talk. We hold onto hope that one day it'll be different but it's not. It never will be."

"It can be. I want it to be. I want us to be together again."

"Jamie, I would love for us to be together. It's not like that's not what I want. But we can't keep doing this. I have everything here and you have everything there. We tried to make it work and we just couldn't do it. It happens. It's going to be hard but we have to let each other go."

"I can't do that. I can't let you go. You are everything to me." He hugs me tightly and puts his hand on the back of my head. I rest my head on his chest as I begin to cry. He's making this so much harder than it already is. I'm trying to do what I think is right. We will never be able to move on with our lives if we continue to hold onto hope that some day this will magically work out. It's not like we haven't tried. We tried so hard. For three years we put everything we had into our relationship but it just wasn't working out.

"This isn't easy for me. Believe me. But we have to."

"No we don't."

"I'm sorry, Jamie, but I can't be 40 years old and still coming here to Market Square on Christmas Eve to meet up with you. At some point we are going to have to make that impossibly hard decision to end it for good and I'm going to have to be the one to do it and it has to be this year, right now, because I need to start letting my heart heal and so do you."

"This isn't going to make anything better. Just worse."

"Maybe at first but eventually we will be ok again."

"I won't. You are my soulmate. There's no one else I want to be with but you. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you and every day my love grows stronger even if we never see each other and even if we don't talk much anymore."

"You can't say things like that."

"It's how I feel and you need to hear them. You know you feel the same way. You know that we belong together and that one day we will figure this out. I'm not going to let you give up on us." I turn around and start to walk away. "Please don't go."

I can't keep having this same conversation every year. Maybe he's right, I don't know. It doesn't feel like we belong together anymore. It feels like we keep growing further and further apart as each year passes. I walk across Market Square and immediately start to break down when I get to the spot that started this whole thing. The spot where I almost busted my ass on a patch of ice. He runs over to me and puts his arms around me. I hug him back. He rubs his hand up and down my back. "All I want is to be with you," I manage to say as I continue to cry, "but I can't."

He puts both hands on either one of my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "From the moment I saw you I knew you were special. You took my breath away. I had never seen anyone as beautiful as you. You slipped on that ice and Jordie caught you and the first thing you did was laugh. It was music to my ears. You're right, I did run over to make sure you were ok. I didn't know you but seeing you lose your balance like that scared the shit out of me. I wanted to be the one to catch you. I want to always be the one to catch you when you fall so I can lift you back up." He starts nervously tapping his leg as he continues to talk. I continue to look into his eyes. He now has his hands in his pockets, another nervous habit of his. "The time we were together has been the most complete I have ever felt in my life. I know it wasn't easy but I loved what we had. It was special. You can't deny that it was special. I thought breaking up was the right thing to do, that it was better for the both of us, but it wasn't. I'm miserable without you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Every night I lie in bed and look at the empty space next to me and wish you were there with me. Every game we win I wish you were there to celebrate it with me and every game we lose I wish you were there to make me feel better. I want to share everything with you and you to share everything with me." He takes a deep breath. "People keep asking me what I want for Christmas and it's corny but it's true. You're all I want. You're all I've ever wanted. This year I am not leaving until you agree to come back to Dallas with me." He takes his hand out of his pocket and kneels down on one knee and holds out his hand. In his hand is a little black box. In that little black box sits a ring, a ring that sparkles so brightly as the lights from the Christmas tree reflect off of it. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please make my Christmas wish come true and make me the happiest guy on Earth by agreeing to become my wife. Will you marry me?"

My heart beats faster and faster as the tears flow from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I can't believe this is happening right here, right now. I wasn't expecting this. I never thought this moment would ever happen, not between us. I was ready to walk away from him, from us, after today. I thought I was ready. All I can do is look into his eyes and see him silently begging me to say yes. My job is here. My family is here. My friends are here. I have everything I could ever want right here in Victoria except one thing. Jamie. I don't have Jamie. He's all that I want. He's the only thing that really matters. I worked so hard to get where I am at work but what does any of that matter if I can't be truly happy? And the only way I can truly be happy is to be with him. "Yes I will marry you. Oh god, I love you."

He smiles the biggest smile I have ever seen as he takes my hand and puts the ring on my finger. He stands up and pulls me in for a hug. I hold him so tightly. "I love you so much," he says in my ear. He holds my face in his hands and leans in to kiss me. It's been so long since we've kissed. I could kiss him forever and now I'll get to.


End file.
